Cold weather, along with a new government administration, was rolling in. That means it is time to head to Thailand.
It is always a bit stressful before we fly because the dog has to get his paperwork from the US government, and it has to be stamped within 10 days of arriving in Thailand. We travel for 2 days, so about a week left for the bureaucracy to stamp it. Well, The US failed us. They had 7 days to send the paperwork but did not Fedex it out (we even gave then the Fedex envelopes), until the day before we left. It did not arrive and we had to determine if we were going to cancel the trip or create our own documents. If we cancelled we would be out a hefty sum and it would be hard to rebook as there was only one flight we can use to take the dog into the country in-cabin. The Fedex guy came by at 3pm without it and we had to leave for the airport at 5pm. We anticipated not receiving it so we made up some documents. It was a bit stressful. If you get rejected when arriving at your destination there are some horror stories out there about them euthanizing the animals, and that is something I could see happening with Thailand. We risked it and got to the airport in the US. Fortunately the ticket agent that checks in the dog, who is supposed to go through these documents, had never checked in an animal and relied on us to explain the process. I chatted her up and told her she was, “doing an excellent job!” We were able to get through to the plane without showing any paperwork. Phase 1 of 4 complete. The flight went smooth and Max was quiet the whole way. Landing in Paris (we also needed pet import paperwork for Europe even though we were not leaving the airport) and made it through Transfer security without showing documents. Phase 2 of 4 complete.
While waiting for our Bangkok flight some Chinese Youtuber was obsessed with Max and started taking ridiculously close pictures and edited a video while sitting next to us. Even putting it to music.
We boarded flight (Amy did drop the dog on his head at one point as she always gets completely confused when things become quasi-illegal) and made it through Thai immigration with no problems when we landed. Phase 3 and 4 complete. It is always a long travel day I don’t look forward to with all the potential hiccups and this one left us drained. Normally people end up awake in the middle of the night due to jetlag when they land. I do not have that problem. I think we arrived at 10am. I went to sleep and did not get up until 6am the following morning. A gift I cherish.
This is year 3, so you would think we would hit the ground running, like arriving at your summer cottage for the season, but it didn’t seem to work that way. I had to get my scooter updated (sitting for 8 months) and the garage I took it to had it for a week. Without wheels I am dead in the water. We did have a car, but driving in Bangkok is not ideal. My free time was spent trying to determine how to buy a motorcycle and register it in my name, which also involved renewing my Thai Drivers Licenses. i wanted a true motorcycle so i could go on trips into remote regions to experience hard-to-find Thai experiences. Most expats don’t bother with a lot of this DL stuff, but if you get into an accident or stopped by police it is just a nightmare as they are looking for anything to get you on for a bribe. Also, if you are driving without a License your Health Insurance may not cover you as you are doing something illegal. I also wanted the motorcycle in my name because I read that it is hard to cross land borders in SE Asia with a bike not in your name and I might want to dip into Laos and Cambodia sometime.
I found a guy 3 hours away that agreed to sell me his bike. I wanted to buy from him because he was English, married to a Thai woman, and if I can speak English I have a better shot of not getting ripped off. It is amazing how ambiguous everything is here relating to government process and procedures. I spent hours on forums trying to figure out what is needed and no one knows the definitive answer. I did know I needed a Certificate of Residence from the Immigration office. We went down to the building one day. It is like a colossal “Ministry” building in some Dystopian Communist novel. I had copies of everything I thought I would need. Passports, stamps, Visa, entry forms, house owner IDs and extra passport headshots. Nothing is on computer here. We got in there, took a number after waiting in a few lines and running to copy machine for more copies and eventually got in front of a person. While waiting we could look in a room where it was full of reams of documents. All the copies of paper people bring in. The lady said I would receive 3 copies of Certificate of Residence (1 to buy bike, 1 to renew scooter DL and 1 to renew car DL), but the catch was that they would mail it to me. Great I thought, never going to get that.
In the meantime we asked around at local bike inspection shop(another ridiculous hoop) and they said I could get the bike without that document, just needed for register. So we drove down in the car to Pattaya with Amy's mom to buy the bike. I still had a list of documents I needed from the guy and sent him an email with a list. I scared him and he responded that I should find another bike cause I was making it too complicated. I was programmed into this, but after I phone call and determining he was legit and that I was not going to show up to a shit-show I convinced him to continue. The ad really had no data, just a picture, with the year of the bike wrong. Not even listing miles or condition. But the price was right. Still nervous I would drive 3 hours and then have it all blow up, we left. Pattaya is a nice beach town, with a cool breeze. It has a bad reputation as the sex playground for 60 year old white westerners, but maybe it has some redeeming qualities. I test rode the bike and all seemed to be in order. We transferred the money. I would have brought cash but Thailand does not have currency larger than $25 (1,000 Bhat). And you cant transfer more than $1K to another person in 24Hr period, so we had to use multiple bank accounts to get deal done. We went to lunch and then I rode the bike the 3+ hours back to Bangkok. Bikes can not go on the toll roads so had to take the long way, but the roads where still very intense. I mean, someone actually hit my elbow with there side mirror as they cut me off. Just like with my motorcycle back home, the only time I rode on highway was riding bike home and I hope it is the same here.
Now that I had bike I had to get it registered. I had learned my lesson. I was not going through anymore BS. I hired a local “fixer”. Instead of spinning my wheels doing online research, or blindly going down to government office and having it go sideways, find an expert intermediary for advice or even to take care of it for you. He came to our house. We had to put our 15lb dog away as he was scared of the ferocious beast. I gave him all the paperwork (piles of it. Signed IDs from seller and other BS) Not only do you need photocopies of everything , but those copies also need to be signed and dated. He was supposed to take the bike down with him for inspection, but there was no way he could ride it. It looked like someone trying to mount a horse when he stood next to it. I have seen videos of small Thai people who come to a light on a tall bike and quick flip the kick stand out before the bike falls over. So he took the documents and I would meet him down at office in a few days for the physical inspection.
We are still on jetlag here. Getting up at 3am and going to bed around 6pm. When you have no reason to adjust, you never do! I had to go to doctors clinic for an exam so I could renew Driver License. Yet another hoop. I mean you even have to get them to print 2 documents. One for Car and one for Bike. The DMV has to have 2 hard copies for their files! How stupid is that? About as stupid as them having to mail me 3 copies of the Certificate of Residence letter. Or about as stupid as giving me 2 different DL cards (bike / motor) instead of just putting a cycle endorsement on one. I took it all down to DMV (cant get a fixer to renew DL for you), and was turned away because I had to have appointment. Of course you cant make an appointment on Interet, you have to make it in person. They tried to schedule me for 3 weeks. In three weeks my doctors note and residence document would expire as they were only good for 30 days. You cant make this stuff up. i felt like I was in real-life version of Joseph Heller's Catch 22. We begged, and they squeezed us in for a couple days before they both would expire. We will see how it turns out. I have said in the past, Thailand does not think more than the immediate future. So, instead of overhauling the computer system, you just place bandaids on things and that’s how you get this rats nest of a system.
I did finally get scooter back before we left and headed to the gym for a workout. On the way home I saw a guy killed, or I assume he was as not moving and bleeding pretty bad from head. I am not sure what happened but unfortunately a common occurrence here. I would see a couple more bad ones before the month was out. I also played tennis for the first time while in Thailand. A bit strange place. The court was pretty tight on the sides. You had to be aggressive and move in on balls or you would end up caught in netting or trip over a potted plant. Also, the net was a bit strange. Instead of a piece of rope between the 2 poles holding the net up, they had a piece of wood. Which means anytime the ball hit the top of the net it would take off about 20 feet. And finally, I did not measure, but I think the court was smaller than regulation. That night we went to a holiday party at the neighbors house. They were all pretty drunk by the time we got there. The highlight was a lady telling me in broken English, “You can Dance if you want to!”
We rented a car for a short trip to Kanchanaburi. It was about 3 hours. I missed our exit twice trying to get out of Bangkok for the same reason as mentioned above. Even though I was following Google Maps, I could not tell which road to take when coming to an interchange. Thais just build a road, then when they need another, they just add another so there are about 6 options, the same way you see a tangle of electrical wires on a street corner.
The weather was nice and cool here. Burning Season had already started, so the campfire smell and haze was in the air. The place Amy found along the river was awesome. (BaanRai KhunYa ) We almost ran over a Cobra on our way into the rental. Largest snake I have ever seen. Lady at resort who identified from pix saw it as no big deal.
We dropped the dog and our stuff of and took a songthaew taxi an hour back into town.
My anxiety level was high after that drive and I knew the taxi would make we nauseous, so I popped a motion sickness tab, some THC and a sedative. I mention this because it made my reaction time slow and missed a potential beautiful photo from the bed of the pickup truck we were riding in.
We passed these guys.
Their were 8 of them all looking forward with these ski mask type rags on their heads with eye holes cut out. It looked they were either going to rob a bank or take over a coutry. It will forever upset me that I did not get my camera out in time to get the shot as we passed them.
We had lunch along the Kwai river before starting our history tour
We then went to a museum by the bridge. We Learned that over 70K people died building the railway.
In WW2 Japan used prisoners to try to build a supply line and cut off the English supply line from Indian ocean through Burma up into China. The book and the movie of the same name made the area famous ("Bridge Over the River Kwai"), but the author got the river wrong, but the Thai, smart to not give up on opportunity to exploit, just renamed the river. Originally a wooded bridge was built, then they built cement pylons and brought in another bridge Japan stole from Indonesia making perfect measurements. Then allies bombed it and they rebuilt the bridge to current one.
Whats left of the wooden bridge
Weird statues of People like Einstein and Truman. Gotta fill space in this tourist trap museum!
We then took taxi to another museum. Not sure what was difference between the 2. Big cemetery.
Then boarded the train at 4pm and went back towards lodging.
A literal floating restaurant
At one point we stopped at a road crossing. after a few minutes I looked forward down the aisle where the engine car usually sat, but nothing there anymore. It felt like the scene in Indiana Jones "Temple of Doom" where he opens the door of the cockpit and the pilots were gone.
Eventually the engine car came back and rehooked up and we were off. I have no idea what that was all about.
Perfect sunset and ride with character and no one else on the train.
Caught the same taxi back to lodging had private dinner
Exhausting day of travel. My back and kidneys were screaming.
The next day was Xmas. I thought about going swimming but the river was extremely fast moving and did not see that turning out well. We were fairly close the the border with Myanmar. A lot of checkpoints to keep people from streaming in. Myanmar / Burma is currently in chaos with a military take over. Thailand is also in military take over but they are going on year 11 and things are a little more smooth at this point. Burma is the generic name for the country while Mynamare is a bit more formal and preferred by the indigenous people.
We had breakfast at the lodging. Our plan was to take the car and drive around a couple parks in the area. Sai Yok and Erwan NP.
We left Max back at the lodge. Amy tied a scarf around the door to protect him from getting out, I guess. Reminded me of when Egyptologists came upon Pharaoh Tuts tomb
Our place was actually in the Sai Yok NP so we decided to not go deeper, rather head right to Erwan. Our first stop was a 7 level waterfall. Amy had to stay in the car with Max as he was not allowed to wander about. Her Mom and I took a golf cart to the first set of falls.
She offered to wait while I hiked up the 7 levels but I was already ready for a nap.
Next stop was a reservoir dam, nothing special and we headed back to the resort
After breakfast we made the long drive back to Bangkok. We were running late so we had to go directly to the airport to return the car and take a taxi back to the house.
The next morning I went to the gym, then headed down to meet our “fixer” to get my new bike inspected. That was a comically short event. If we did not have him I would have been there for hours just so they could look at bike for 5 seconds and collect their fee.
After that I met some guys for tennis in the afternoon. They were ok, but weird. Kinda a reference to my title for this blog. I may have mentioned before, but Thailand is just a home for misfit toys. Awkward older white men that don’t fit into normal society. They come over here cause cant find a wife back home, or conveniently claim they would rather be alone, “date” 15 yo Asian girls for a year then settle down with a prostitute who only tolerates them for the allowance they receive. So when I interact with them you just get this feeling that they are not only a bit scandalous but also just weird in they way they behave and talk, even around the tennis court. I of course am the exception ;)
By the time I got home the fixer had already dropped off the new plates and “Green Book” (basically a Title) The only problem was it was all wrong. My passport number was wrong. The address was wrong, the fact that it was a used bike was wrong. Normally, you can roll with it but Thailand is all about the details, which made this so surprising. I guess because it was the day before NY vacation caused this. The fixer came back and had to fix it. He returned it. The fix was priceless. See below image, they just hand wrote the corrections!
Stopped at my favorite lunch spot for Som Tam.
I took the motorcycle to a shop to get oil changed and just looked over for any weaknesses. Unfortunately they called me back saying it was ready in less than 2 hours. I feel like they did not inspect it all that well. I found another shop but decided I will just wait till next year.
I had played tennis with a normal guy the other day and he mentioned that his Portuguese GF had back issues. Amy and I met up with them for brunch at a local place (Emmie's) to see if I could offer any advice. They were actually in Thailand to meet with surgeons. I tried to get them to pump the brakes as there were options they still had not tried, but I also understand the frustration with pain and surgery might fix it all with the flip of a switch, at least temporarily, but that flip also comes with a coin flip. 50% of these don’t help and 25% of those that don’t get worse. And even if it does go well, you are going to have problems down the road regardless.
Not Much is pen as NYE tomorrow so went swimming at the neighborhood pool. The next day we drove with Amys sisters downtown to Central World Mall. They were pying for a grand buffet and we would just walk around the mall until they finished. Everyone was getting ready for the party that night
Offerings at the Erwan Shrine
Mobs getting ready to get their prime place in line for street closures
At first I thought the above picture was some famous K-pop star getting medical treatment surrounded by fans, but everyone just waiting to get in and some random scrapped her knee
Here you can see about 100 cops getting ready for the night
I would hate to be these small Thai police trying to manhandle a drunk Western Grizzly Bear of a guy.
Amys mom and I had our NYE Instagram moment for our followers
Her sisters emerged from the buffet in rough shape. After spending 20 minutes in the bathroom they had to sit down for another 20 before being able to get into the car for the drive home. Kinda funny. While we wandered around the mall, I smelled some incense and it did not smell like anything. Later, Amy asked me what I thought of a perfume. I was like, “it smells like nothing, why is she getting all worked up about this scent” A bit later she asked me to smell something different. It was at this point it all became clear, I had no sense of small! I must have COVID. Having a lack of smell in a town like Bangkok is definitely not the worst thing in the world. I took a test when we got home, it was negative, but those tests were 3 years old so who knows. NYE and we were in bed by 8pm. I thought it would be fun to take the scooter around through the different neighborhoods, but just too much of a risk for drunk drivers. I did get up at 3am after all the fireworks were done to let Max out. The streets were quiet.
Until Next Month,
Darren
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